Who feels lonely? Actually all of us do at some time or other. For some of us it may be temporary, while for others it is innate and internalised, despite what is actually going on in our daily lives. Some of us may feel lonely because we are isolated by illness or geographical location and these factors may not be  able to be changed or controlled. Some of us feel lonely and disconnected even  when we are surrounded by people. Research shows that we may even have a genetic  disposition to it or have learnt it from our families.

For others, it's a fleeting or temporary thing caused by circumstances that change. You may be out of town on business and eating and sleeping alone, just divorced, you may have moved to an area where you know no-one, you may just feel lonely on Valentine's Day because you currently don't have a lover. These are things you can take in your stride, once you realise it is impermanent and will soon pass. If you keep this in mind and practice mindfulness, enjoying the moment and welcoming each new experience, loneliness will soon fade into the background for you.

Some of us seem born to be lonely, having abusive or neglectful upbringings and bullying and ostracism at school or home - all contributing to our feelings of not being connected to the rest of the world. The answer to overcoming it at least most of the time, is the same whatever the reason. It might take a little work but is really worth the effort.

There are many things that make us feel lonely and many contributing factors. While we may bear the scars of past experience, none of this needs to affect us today and shouldn't stop us from enjoying our lives. Many of us may put our life on hold, putting happiness off until something we want happens - marriage, divorce, a great job or whatever else we feel our happiness is conditional on.  You can lose your whole life this way, waiting to feel you either deserve happiness or until you get your 'soldiers' all lined up in a row and feeling lonely in the meantime.

The trouble with trying to shore up your self-worth with external things and activities is these things are always changing and you can't really control that. You may be the flavour of the month one time but lose it to someone else later. You may also try to fill the void with material things, Facebooking,  tweeting and shopping, but this can be an endless treadmill of trying to impress other people and buying something to fill the emptiness. At the end of the day you still have not really changed anything about how you feel, except maybe temporarily and superficially.

 While there is nothing wrong with enjoying yourself, expecting the social whirl to permanently make you feel better is a futile exercise and needs constant topping up. One day you will age, you may lose your looks, lose your income, your children leave home or something else may happen that changes your life. What then?

The answer lies in learning to have a better relationship with the internal you, feeling self-compassion, compassion for others, having projects that interest you and enjoying the moment. There are many ways to do this including mindfulness, meditation and changing the way we think about people and our lives. We need to have gratitude for what we do have, instead of envy for what other people seem to have. This doesn't stop us from trying to improve our lives and changing what we can, it just helps us to enjoy the present and enjoy our own company.

We can fill that empty space inside us with things that matter and that are permanent, no matter what is going on and live lives of harmony and contentment. We can extend to others then the peace and harmony we feel ourselves, and learn to live with uncomfortable feelings. We do not then feel desperate or needy or throw ourselves on the mercy of every person we meet just to feel worthwhile.

Blessings

Gail



Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/7597183

 How does your day start? Do you wake energised each morning, welcome the
sunrise and look forward to starting your day and completing interesting tasks?
Or do you wake feeling bleak, alone, unmotivated and unloved? It's the same day
you are facing, the same tasks need doing, the same joys are awaiting, the only
difference is your thoughts about it.

The word loneliness can instil fear in some people associating it with
failure or being an outcast or even being considered a little odd. Years of
conditioning and mountains of literature may seem to back up this mainstream
view, but what if there is more than one way to be, more than one way to think
about it and ways of embracing loneliness and making it work for you?

  There's actually quite a bit of research and evidence to prove that thinking
there has to be something wrong with you if you are not the most popular person
on social media can actually be the cause of your problems, not loneliness per se.
Modern life has changed so much and we can buy into the modern-day marketing
of connectivity and fear of missing out and we can believe the self promotion of
our friends and peers, making us feel well, just a little left out.

   One thing you could do is join the rise of narcissism and join the crowd, but
there may be another way. You could accept and enjoy being alone and use it to
fill your day with a richness of purpose, contentment and enjoyment of the
moment that many people frantically filling their day with 2,000 social media
friends, endless texting and circling of popular social outlets for photo
opportunities couldn't know.

   It's important to realise that there is more than one 'right' way to be in
this world and there is a place for all of us. We just have to learn acceptance
of our situation and then contentment and happiness can follow. If we can learn
to accept ourselves and our strengths and weaknesses and not buy into
judgements, either of our-self or others we can come to know a different life
and a different view and enjoy it and our interests without worrying what others
think or may be doing.

  In fact a study from John Hopkins University has found that for people who
already feel separate from the crowd, social rejection can fuel your imagination
and spur you on to bigger and better things with fewer distractions. Could we
find a way to tap into this ourselves? Of course we can. Even if our ambitions
are modest, we can use our quiet time to enrich our inner life and work on
things that are meaningful to us, either the next big novel or a beautiful
garden or even volunteering to help others who need a helping hand. The world is
your oyster instead of your Facebook page.

Blessings
Gail

Originally posted on http://ezinearticles.com/?Are-We-Really-Alone?&id=7574407